Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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