the condom got lost in my hair
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
