Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
