I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
