Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
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The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
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but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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