Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize