I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
someone owes me an orgasm
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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