Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
