Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
