Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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