I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
