READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
