At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
