The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dicks are not precious.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
