you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
