Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I did not marry a roomba.
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