I wish I could teleport
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
