the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I am spending my child support on dildos
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
