Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
