It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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