Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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