Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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