I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
