I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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