I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
