dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
