So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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