From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
