I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
