You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
