I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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