so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
