i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
how drunk are you?
Several
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
