I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
