Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
