I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
