I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
