I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
