I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
