even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
