She is in my trunk
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My ass is underappreciated
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
