my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
