the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
As shirtless as possible
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
