My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
