I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
