It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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