Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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