I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
