I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
