I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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