I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
