do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Houston, we have a squirter
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
