Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We are two peas in an std pod
She's the barista slut.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
