My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
