dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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