Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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