we have pet lesbian snakes
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
