last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
