Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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