On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
