It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
