Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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