he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If I die, sorry about rent.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
