All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
