spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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