I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
