People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
