That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
