Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just cut my nipple shaving
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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