Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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