I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
