that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
