So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
