how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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