so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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