If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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