I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
