i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
