Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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