He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
